Hello people. Like always I hope everyone reading this is doing well. Excuse me for being a little MIA over the past week, just haven’t been feeling very inspired and honestly when I am not talking about something passionately, I just can’t seem to talk about it at all. So this week had in store for me an interesting chain of events. I went on an all ladies retreat and while I stayed in town and had a little staycation, it felt like a different world. After a long time I fussed over my clothes and makeup and was bothered to put on hair extensions and apply eyelashes and I wanted to look fancy. I danced in my heels till my feet ached and got hit on by random men. I felt young after a long time, even though I am in my 20’s still. And I bet, somewhere along here you are judging me a little and thinking, wow. You needed all that validation? And let me tell you. Yes I did. Maybe not a lot, but that is a topic for another day.

Today, however, I wanted to speak about something that was a recurrence again and again in my trip. So, we had ladies ranging from early twenties to mid thirties in our group. And I was in a female dynamic for a couple of days after a long time (miss married for so long right here). And I have to say it was quite unnerving at times. Now what prompts us to decide what looks mean to us, right? It probably starts when we are young and people start telling us what is beautiful and what is not. Light skin, full lips, a thin figure but a gifted chest. We have been conditioned to stereotype beauty. If not people then television and ads and magazines have told us what is attractive. and so we look in the mirror and most of us don’t like what they see. And the ones that do usually sacrifice a lot to see what they do in the mirror.

I was surrounded with different body types, some healthy some not so healthy relationships with their bodies. But almost everyone in denial. And it broke my heart. Someone was starving while someone over eating. And it made me so sad that women capable of running their lives and being bad asses at every stage in their life, can be bothered to stand in a mirror critiquing themselves or getting ready to go out not to have a good time but to take a million pictures. I mean I was a part of elaborate photoshoots. I really was. And I get it, Taking a look at the person you are and not what you look like, its hard. Everybody struggles with their bodies. The good and the bad. And I used to be this person. But as I grow up I appreciate my body, I respect it and I know what its capable of.

It can do so much more than look good in a dress. I can use it for a lot of other things than to stand in front of a mirror and admire it while I objectify myself and place my worth on what I look like. Because I am so much more than my looks. So is every little boy and girl in the whole world. Because realistically both the genders are equally objectified. The era of pretty woman has been far left behind. We are now in the age of the magic mikes as well. And I am no where comparing struggles, I am just saying we are all guilty of making a snap judgment based on looks. For anyone.

In conclusion my friends, here is what I think. You are who you are. All the makeup, surgery, clothes in the world aren’t going to change all that. Life doesn’t stop because you are having a bad hair day or an attractive guy or girl didn’t turn around to look at you today. No one cares if your dress has a stain or that you have mascara on your eyelids. The truth of the matter is, no one actually cares. Everyone is way too busy living their own lives. The best kind of friends and loved ones around you aren’t the ones who like the way you look. They are the ones who like the way you make them feel. So instead of looking for the ones ready to shoot you down, choose the ones willing to lift you up.

And I can guarantee those will be the ones worth keeping around for a very long time. But first love yourself. Love the person within. And I know that you will love the person in the mirror looking back at you as well. No matter the physical state. And with that I bid you a farewell, friends. Until next time…

Cheers, Shameless and Unapologetic

Hello Everyone! I hope everyone is doing very well. And again let’s just dive in.I have had a few interesting days and with them came interesting thoughts. So I wanted to speak about it today. So I wake up everyday with a very different thought process. Somedays I am excited, ready for the day. Some are days where I am extremely energetic and want to do everything at once and end up doing none of it because I just can’t make up my mind. Some days I don’t want to leave my bed. Some days I can’t breathe and it feels like the world is collapsing around me and someone has tied me up so I can’t do anything about it. I can’t even get away. If you can’t already tell, I have depression. I also have anxiety. But you could never tell if you ever met me. I am usually the funniest person in a room. I have the ability to cry for hours straight then show up to a gathering of people and laugh and smile like someone stuck a hanger in my mouth all night. And all that is possible because I have been conditioned from a very young age not to talk about it. Especially where I come from, People don’t talk about depression or anxiety because it doesn’t seem real to them. And more importantly it makes them uncomfortable. It sounds like an excuse. Like a made up disease I am claiming to have. And as someone who suffers from anxiety, let me tell you every time I have been questioned in a not so friendly manner about it, I have felt like the most insignificant person on the face of the earth. Like my feelings were not worth the acknowledgement that is usually extended to a person.

We always have people around us and because of that the world expects us to act a certain way, behave a certain way. No matter how bad of a day I am having, if I don’t smile back at my colleague, I am considered rude. If I don’t wear makeup or my eyes look red, I will be whispered about or spoken to in a very pitiful manner. No one will actually give me any advice but ask Me to “cheer up” every so often. Or hey smile more, you’ll feel better. No one wants to understand it but at the same time no one wants to deal with it either. I have been given some ridiculous pieces of advice regarding my depression. And what’s worse is that they have almost always come from people I love or claim to love me. I’m not a stupid person. I know my depression and anxiety makes me quite a lot to deal with at times. I am overly emotional, Especially when it comes to the people I love. Being hurt by them makes me feel lost and small and unworthy. But at the same I wish the effort is made to understand what depression is. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. I have seen People all my life deny it. No matter how obvious it is. And to be completely honest depression isn’t an everyday occurrence. It doesn’t happen everyday all day 24/7, contrary to popular belief. But when it does rear it’s ugly head, it brings with it an ocean of doubts, unrelenting pain, and emotions we can’t control or understand.

I mean I have received all kinds of brilliant advice. From all the people who have no idea what depression is or are clearly in some form of denial. I have been told why don’t you wake up early in the morning? exercise? start your day off right and you’ll see a huge difference in your mood everyday? I mean did you know exercise releases endorphins? why yes, I did know that. But do you understand some days I wish I was dead? instead I smile and say yes, absolutely I am going to try that. I was told why don’t you try praying. That’s where all your answers lie, and yes while I am an extremely religious person and my faith is my rock and the foundation of my life. Most of the times it isn’t enough. I need you to understand me. I need your time. I need some unconditional understanding. I don’t want to feel judged for what I say.

Life is a very complicated ordeal and sometimes we go through it alone. Sometimes you might have someone and still feel alone. Sometimes life just finds a way to keep on going. And you just have to go along with it. When it hits you really bad and you are just having one of those days, take a breath, look at something that gives you happiness. Your child, a pet, a spouse, maybe a book or a tv show. Those new shoes you just got or a new bedspread. Whatever it is, it’ll get better. Because life will always move us in a new direction. And if you see someone you care about suffering from it, take out some time and listen to them. Let them know you are trying to understand and it will make the biggest difference. And while I am certainly not a professional, I speak from experience. And love. Lots of it. Till next time…

Cheers, Shameless and unapologetic.

Hello everyone! I hope everyone is doing well. Welcome back. So I have had an interesting week and I haven’t been able to follow my thoughts enough to write something down. And you would think that since I am just starting out I will have a lot to say. I usually take inspiration from life and the people around me. And this week had me surrounded by too many topics. But when I sat down in my front of my computer I had one of those stuck in my head more so than the others. And it was one I have always been interested in. The way privilege or lack thereof effects us. We all live our lives somehow structured by our worth right. Where to have dinner tonight? Or your next big purchase perhaps? How much you really think about it before you pick up something and put it in your cart? Or before you whip your card to pay for dinner? Doesn’t that in some form shape our reaction to what’s going on in this world?

We as a people have certainly lost touch of our emotions when it comes to understanding other people and their problems. Something that might not seem big to us can be an unnerving matter to someone else. Keeping someone’s feelings in mind has become hard and we have become numb and succumbed to a world where its ok to judge everyone around us as harshly as possible and then be hurt when we are treated the same way. Life is uncertain. We all face our up’s and down’s with a different handle depending on what we are equipped with. This is a hard world where I see the privileged being taught talent and the less privileged being forced to forego the talent they were born with all in the name of making ends meet.

We are always searching for a better reality sometimes not within our grasp and fighting against what we have been given. We spend far too much time our children what’s good for them all the while living our lives drenched in hypocrisy. We are doing what we are told is necessary to survive. And while there is nothing wrong with surviving. I don’t think surviving mean’s not living. Our problems will never disappear forever. There isn’t one person in this world that isn’t living with something bothering them constantly. The thing we forget to do is to breathe, and let breathe. Live and let live.

So take a moment out for yourself. Lets stop counting our worth with what’s sitting in our banks or in our garage. Make a conscious effort to laugh out loud, not to let yourself get affected by the words of someone who doesn’t know you. To spend time with those you love and those who love you. Dance no matter how bad you are at it. Lower those expectations. In reality everybody is too busy wondering what they are doing wrong, to notice what’s wrong with you. So, till next time ..

Cheers, Shameless and Unapologetic.

Hello! I’m back! I hope everyone who is reading this is having a good day! So let’s just dive in, shall we? So today I wanted to talk about one of the most cliché topics, especially when it comes to blog writing. But of course everyone has their specific take on it. And while we are surrounded by many and very different relationships in our lives, I am going to be talking about the one we share with our significant others. A little about me in this context. I have been married for a very long time and have a child as well. When it comes to marriages and relationship’s of these sort.. almost every couple I know has a very different dynamic. No two relationship’s are the same. No couple is the same, what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. But sometimes they all face very similar problems. And in my many conversations with friends and my own relationship I come across such different views. The most common problem I see in any relationship has to be lack of understanding and that’s to say that there is a problem if at all. As someone who grew up with the notion that marriage is not a very smart tradition, I sure ran after the fairytale when life threw one at me. I got married very young because of having a very unsettled and troubled childhood, when I was shown I could in fact have some stability, I jumped at the chance. And now many years later, I sometimes wonder if it was the right decision to make. Is marriage really a matter of convenience? Is it just so we are never truly alone? That we can’t survive with just ourselves? One of the many reasons I thought marriage wasn’t logical was because I never understood monogamy. Why should we limit ourselves to one person? When there is a vast world out there filled with people to explore? And when I did choose to get married I was looking for the approval I had never gotten. And because I thought I only needed that person I latched myself onto him, put him up on a pedestal which was obviously too high. And when he could very clearly not meet those expectations It broke my heart. I wanted to see him in a certain light and I wanted to do everything that would make him see me as worthy of him. I had been told I wasn’t worthy all my life and so I fought against it. And in return I lost important parts of myself. And one day it felt like I just woke up and realized I wasn’t very happy because I didn’t feel like me anymore. And I blamed him and in turn he blamed me for suddenly deciding that. And that created a difference and distance between us. For me, marriage is complicated. When a problem arises, I feel the need to solve it and then I can move on. He thinks if you don’t acknowledge it and act like its fine, eventually it will be, and you can just get over it. Clearly we were very different . I knew about that from before. But I always thought it was a strength we had. And I am here to tell you that it is not. Being so vastly different can only end up with a bunch of problems. Not being able to see eye to eye on almost every matter combined with a lack of communication plus lack of comprise just turns marriage into a huge clash of egos. My understanding in all of this as follows. Life is tough and it’s complicated. And before we make a decision that impacts our lives in the biggest way possible, let’s not make rash decisions in the name of love. Falling in love is an impulse but that’s not how you survive a marriage. It’s anything but an impulse. It requires thought, compromise and communication at every turn. How about loving ourselves first? so we reciprocate that when we meet someone? In conclusion friends, keep your hearts open, but keep your mind open as well. I am completely open to discussions and feel free to ask anything.

Cheers, Shameless and Unapologetic.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

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The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

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